I can easily say this year has been the most challenging in my life. If you don’t know this already, I suffer from anxiety and depression. It’s a daily mental battle, but one I fight hard against. I’ve came a long way in this battle. 2020 tested my stability and strength for sure.
I started the year with the word STAND as my focus. God was telling me that in 2020 he was going to move me out of my comfort zone and it would be chaotic. He needed me to pray more, seek him more, and study his word more. I was called to STAND firm in my faith, no matter what the year brought, I was called to STAND with the Lord like never before.
“Be alert, stand firm in the faith, be courageous, be strong. Do everything in love.”
1 Corinthians 16:13-14
I had no idea what 2020 was going to bring and I certainly didn’t expect the twists and turns it brought to my life. But throughout it all God has never failed me, because he is a firm foundation.
This year did exactly what it was meant to do for me. It pushed me out of my comfort zone in more ways than I can even describe. It strengthened my relationship with my family. It strengthened my relationship with friends. It strengthened me as an individual. Most importantly, it strengthened my relationship with Jesus Christ. In order for all of that be strengthened, I endure heartbreak, confusion, pain, anger, and loss.
I’m not perfect by any means, I’ve question God. I’ve been weak. I’ve cried more tears in 2020, then I knew I had in me. Every time I felt like giving up, every time I felt like I had nothing left to give, every time I thought I can’t stand strong any longer, God MOVED!
This year, I’ve thought to myself many times “How does anyone go through daily life without God on their side?” I would not be writing this today, I would not be smiling in peace, I would not have made it through 2020 without God. He doesn’t promise us life with him will be easy, he doesn’t promise no hurt, but he does promise to NEVER fail. This world and people will disappoint and fail you time and time again, but our God he never will.
2020 tried hard to break me, it tried hard to tear me away from God. It failed, because HE will always prevail. 2020’s temptations, challenges, and heartbreaks were in preparation for God’s plan for my future. I’m believing that 2021 holds brightness.
Now as we enter into 2021, I know that God is calling me for another big word. He’s preparing me. I know God is telling me that in order to reach my full potential and in order to truly live out his plan, I must forgive. Without forgiving, my heart will continue to hold onto some bitterness. Bitterness, grudges, and unforgiveness is a dangerous place to dwell in. Ultimately not forgiving someone, does nothing to that person(s), in the end it will only hurt you more. Our human flesh makes it so difficult to forgive though.
I’m always real and honest so here is where I am at: parts of me are angry, parts of me are so over it, parts of me are at peace, but right now no part of me has forgiven.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” – Colossians 3:13
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32
My word for the year 2021 is FORGIVE. I have to forgive to move forward. For me, 2021 is about moving forward and leaving the past in the past. It is about being the best mom to Akiah, it’s about continuing to practice self-care, it’s about following God’s plan for my life, and it’s about forgiveness.
2021 will truly be a new beginning…
With Love,
T
Dear God,
Today, I pray that anyone that may be reading this contemplating a relationship with you seeks it. I pray they surrender and understand that you are love. You are grace. You are good. You are the only way. God I pray for anyone reading this battling mental illness, God help them fight the daily battle. Lord help them overcome. Lord for those of us that need to forgive, I pray for strength and guidance to do so. God guide us to forgiving those who have caused heartache and devastation. God may 2021 be the year of new beginnings, a year of peace, a year of new growth, a year of forgiveness.
Amen
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