My Backstory
Over the past year, I've been in therapy and engaged in significant self-reflection. I remember the session when I realized that it's not about what had happened to me, but how I was reacting to the pain. My therapist mentioned something along the lines of: You are holding onto the hurt. Your mind is stuck in the past. Always remember, hurt people hurt people. That struck me deeply, as I never want to hurt anyone, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
If you know me or have read any of my previous blog posts, you're aware that my life has been quite a rollercoaster in recent years. I've often been told "you're so strong," but in truth, I used strength as a mask to cover an immense amount of pain. In 2020, when my husband left, I was shattered, yet I refused to allow myself to feel that pain. Avoiding those feelings and not healing resulted in more harm to myself, my family, friends, and even potential partners. It led me into a downward spiral of depression, poor decision-making, and the belief that I needed a relationship to be happy.
Thankfully, I am on the other side, and I’ve learned so much about myself. (However, healing is still a continuous journey.) I’ve discovered my self-worth, I’ve found peace, and I am content. Through therapy, extensive prayer, self-care, my family’s support, and relying on my small circle of genuine friends.…I now know I will never again settle for less than I deserve just to maintain a certain relationship status. I’ve learned to not take people for granted. I’ve discovered what I truly want and desire in a future relationship. I’ve realized that I am exactly who I am meant to be. Most importantly, I’ve learned to love myself.
My hope in sharing this is to help even one person in thick of heartache right now or maybe help someone that’s trying to avoid the pain--like I did. Listen, I get it…. navigating the emotional roller-coaster can feel like a full-time job. But let’s take a moment to chat about healing after heartbreak…I promise it’s worth it.
Healing Journey
First things first, healing takes time. Think of healing as a journey, not a destination. It is okay to feel sad or disappointed, but don’t let the experience define you. Allow yourself to feel those emotions but be proactive about healing. Journaling, talking to friends, prayer, or seeking professional help can be fantastic ways to process those feelings and work toward moving forward. Healing isn’t just about moving on; it’s about rediscovering yourself. Embrace the journey and emerge stronger than before.
Embrace the Hurt
Acknowledging our pain allows us to confront it. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’re “damaged goods.” We all have our share of past hurts. We all have our share of mistakes. Feel the pain, but don’t dwell in the pain. Each wound we carry serves as a lesson. Your experiences from the relationship that broke your heart taught you lessons, if you allow yourself to lean into the feelings you’ll find the lesson. Remind yourself that just because love brought you hurt, that doesn’t mean that love can’t be a beautiful chapter in your life again…one day.
Relationship Status Doesn’t Define You
It’s natural to desire a relationship. But do you want it or feel like you need it? At one point, I was in a very dark place of feeling like I needed a relationship. I wanted a fast and easy relationship to feel a void. Why? I didn’t heal after my divorce. I felt like I couldn’t be happy, I couldn’t be a ‘real’ family for my daughter, and I couldn’t enjoy life without having a partner.
We live in a world that is so focused on relationships. It is easy to think that our value comes from being coupled up. I’ve learned that self-worth and success is not defined by a relationship status. Being single doesn’t make you less valuable. Self-esteem has to come from within not from someone else’s validation. You want to date to add joy to your life, not because you feel incomplete. You are a whole person on your own. I believe a relationship should enhance your life, not define it.
Rediscovering Yourself
Once you start to focus on yourself, you will naturally begin to cultivate peace. You’ll become more mindful. When you find inner calmness, you will create a space that allows yourself to thrive. As you nurture yourself, you will gain confidence in who you are. It is important to love and value yourself before you can truly understand how you deserve to be loved by others.
Conclusion
Healing after heartache is a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and growth. Embrace the process, believe that you deserve love again and allow yourself to feel all the feelings. Heal before your hurt, hurt's others. Find your peace in life.
Now I fully believe that when the time is right, we’ll find a relationship that feels not only fulfilling but also adds to the amazing people we already are. So together let’s take a deep breath, trust ourselves, and keep moving forward-we’ve got this.
With Love,
T
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