Divorce is hard, messy, and heartbreaking. I am not going to sugarcoat it, it’s simple divorce sucks. How could it not? When you go from happily every after to divorce court. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one that pushed for it or if you’re the one that fought to save the marriage. Either way it sucks.
Most people probably think my divorce was finalized months ago, but that’s not the case. It’s been exactly 500 days since the separation and today it’s finally over.
Throughout this year plus long process, I wondered what it’d feel like when it was finally finalized. But first let me walk you through what the divorce process feels like….
Your torn, because this is what you want. It’s what you know you need. The divorce is best. But you’re also saying goodbye to a marriage you once prayed for. You feel like a failure, like you let God down for breaking your vows.
It’s like a chapter has closed in your life, you know it and accept it, but you have to keep reliving it throughout the entire process. You’re in a waiting phase. You’re literally living in limbo.
You wish for that final hearing date. Then dates get changed and things become more difficult. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions. It’s arguments, stress, anger, confusion, lawyer fees, extra fees for this and that, let down, and hurt.
Let’s just say it’s easier to get married than divorced and it’s definitely not as simple as a quick return to the store. It’s tough. It’s exhausting. It’s a fight.
When you finally get that final hearing date you replay the whole 500 day process in your head. From the day you separated to this ending date. You question yourself. Did I get the best lawyer? Did I pray about this enough? Did I fight for the right things? Did I make all the right decisions for myself and my daughter?
When the big divorce day finally arrives. It’s very heavy. You fight back tears. It’s not sadness or happiness. I honestly can’t explain it. You ask yourself: This is the day I’ve been waiting for, so why do I feel this way?
You realize your emotions and heaviness on this day aren’t about the divorce. It’s a build up of things. It’s the weight you’ve been carrying just overflowing. It’s the idea that the fight is over. Your fresh start is coming.
As you drive to the court house your emotions are wild…You’re anxious, you’re nervous, you’re nauseous, you’re ready, and you’re scared.
In the court room, you’ll go to speak and your voice will crack. Then it clicks this is your life and your story, it doesn’t matter who is in the room.
When you walk out of that court room it’s official your status married has changed to divorced. The weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders.
So today the day my divorce was made official, I feel relieved. Limbo is officially over.
I’m ready to see what God has in store for my next chapter….🤍
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Love,
T
Dear God,
Thank you for being by my side every step of the way. Thank you for never abandoning me. Thank you for providing for me and my daughter. Thank you for giving me an amazing support system. Thank you for giving me peace. You are so good. Today, I pray for anyone that’s living in that limbo stage. God give them the strength to keep going each day. God I pray they lean into your grace and love. I pray they know they’re strong and worthy of being happy. I pray they get their relief soon.
Amen
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