Are you guilty of being your own worst critic? Have you ever talked yourself out of something you knew your heart felt was right? Have you ever pushed others away because "what if" they hurt you? Have you ever purposely avoided an opportunity because it'd cause change in your routine?
If you said yes to any of those questions, let's talk about self-sabotage...
You know the moment things are going really well and you start to think of all the ways it could go wrong. The moment you think of all the ways that relationship could hurt you. The moment you let fear take control. The moment you question if you're worthy. The moment you create unnecessary chaos in your life through avoidance, procrastination, self-doubt, etc.
Those are self-sabotaging moments. But how can you begin to address these self-sabotage
habits?
First, identify your triggers. It's time to take a look at your inward self. This isn't a surface level issue. Your triggers are found deep within yourself. Personally, I learned fear of being hurt or abandoned was a huge trigger of mine, along with a need of being in control.
After recognizing your triggers, it's important to understand why they affect you. What past pain or trauma made you feel the need to be defensive and protect yourself? We often engage in self-sabotage because we BELIEVE it will shield us. Shield us from change. Shield us from failure. Sheild us from hurt. Sheild us from being vulnerable. In the end, it ultimately is not a shield and rather it causes chaos and confusion.
Next you have to intentionally replace self-sabotage habits with positive habits. The best place to start is with positive self-talk, the moment I realized this it helped me so much. During a session my therapist stopped me and asked, "Is this how you'd talk to your best friend? Would you have advised your best friend to make the same decision you did?" When I gave the obvious, no answer without hesitation. She then asked me a question that really made me think, she said: "Tanisha then why is it okay for you to talk to yourself this way? Why are you giving yourself bad advice?"
That's the session I started being intentional with my internal voice. It's critical that you pay close attention to what you are speaking over yourself. It's not always easy. Sometimes I have to give myself a time-out and regroup. But I refuse to allow myself to fall back into old habits.
How do you become intentional with your internal voice? It could be saying daily affirmations, spending time with God, journaling, exercising, mediating, or reading self-help books. For me it's turning on my praise and worship music remembering who God says I am and journaling. You have to find what works best for you. Consistency is key.
Warning... if you're like me, you may find yourself dwelling on the things you allowed yourself to self-sabotage. At times I find myself in regret of time I let pass by me, people I pushed away, opportunities missed, and decisions I made. Sometimes our own self-sabotage hurts others, and they lose trust in us, these are wounds not easy to heal. Give it time.
Trust me when I say, it's a hard pill to swallow knowing your own behaviors whether intentional or unintentional could have caused you to miss out. Then I am reminded that what's for you is for you.
I believe that if God truly intended something for me, he'll bring it back into my life in his perfect timing. I believe that even though I've wasted years in wounds that wouldn't heal, I can still have a beautiful life. I believe that life after healing will be beautiful. I finally believe I deserve that beautiful life.
& I believe you deserve it too.
With Love,
T♥️
Heavenly Father,
You are our shield and defender. Lord, I ask that you help those struggling with self-sabotaging habits remind them that you are the protection they need. Rescue you us from shame and fear. Surround us with your grace. Help us to speak life and love over ourselves. Remind us that we are not our past, we are not who the world says we are, but we are who you created us to be. Lord what is for us bring to us, let us not dwell in regret. Jesus, you have a purpose, and I believe that includes a beautiful life. A life that gives all the glory to you. Let us allow you to write our story without picking up the pen ourselves. Thank you for never failing.
Amen
Comments